8 Steps to Creating Happiness Within

We are all guaranteed the right to pursue happiness, but what if it is elusive and you just can’t seem to capture it?  Happiness within translates to happiness without and not only promotes peace and general well-being, but contributes to better health and continued wellness.

Is happiness unattainable?  Certainly not!  Through effort and the consideration of the following 8 essentials to happiness, you will not only find yourself smiling more, but enjoying the inner and outer peace that happiness brings.

       1.            Strengthen your self-worth.  Self- worth is how we value ourselves.  Everyone has a unique individuality unlike anyone else just waiting to be recognized, cultivated and shared.  In our hectic, stressful, day-to-day world, we may lose sight of our own self-worth.  Be confident in your worthiness and your ability to maintain and enhance that value.

       2.            Get rid of useless emotions.  The two most useless emotions are worry and a sense of guilt.  Worry is just interest you are paying on a debt that may never become due.  Ask yourself if worrying about something is going to change the outcome.  If it won’t, substitute concern for the worry.  We can all be concerned about things beyond our control, but senseless worry creates stress and depression – two deterrents to happiness.  A sense of guilt is another time consuming emotion.  It varies from actual “guilt” in that the sense of guilt has no foundation or consequence.  It is simply a feeling that you perceive as a result of thinking that you could have done something differently. 

       3.            Translate negativity into positivity.  If you tend to be a “glass half empty” type of person who looks at occurrences with a negative attitude, turn the negative thought into a positive worth.  If you feel that you are sometimes trying to be too perfect and missing the mark, just translate that thought into thinking of yourself as very detailed oriented, which has a much more positive meaning. 

       4.            Surround yourself with social support.  Create and maintain a social circle that can be drawn upon for companionship as well as much needed sounding boards.  The give and take in social relationships can alleviate isolation and depression.  It can provide you with someone to care with, care about and care for.  Diversify and have several social avenues that may relate to your various interest and hobbies.

       5.            Help others.  There is no warmer or happier feeling than the feeling one gets from assisting others.  You won’t have to look far to find somewhere to volunteer your time and talents. 

       6.            Create emotional distance from toxic situations.  You may have to deal on a daily basis with either formidable people or demanding situations.  Either one may draw you in and weigh you down.  Learning to step back and objectively deal with problematic interactions on an objective rather than a personal level will free your mind to focus on the issue at hand rather than the emotional tug of war that can result by taking it personally.

       7.            Power down.  In this age of being plugged in, hooked up and digitized, we need to learn how to turn off to tune in.  Create a power down time for not only yourself each day, but also the members of your family.  When was the last time you all had a meal together without checking texts or emails?  If the answer eludes you because it has been so long, it’s time to reconnect with those around you the old-fashioned way – by having a conversation and sharing face-to-face instead of Facebook to Facebook.   

       8.            Stress less.  This may be the most difficult to accomplish, but by reducing just a small level of your stress you will find that peace and happiness will creep in and take its place.  Start by planning to accomplish the most important item on your agenda the first thing in the morning.  Putting important tasks off until later in the day will keep them at the forefront of your mind and will affect your thought process in moving on to the other jobs at hand which will reduce your stress level and make you more productive and effective and as a result, happier.

Enjoy your happiness!

Don’t Chain Me To Earth

As a daughter-in-law and daughter who has dealt and is now dealing with the ravages that Alzheimer’s Disease causes, I have learned to listen to the unspoken words after the ability to communicate has broken down.  My life has been reshaped by Alzheimer’s and I have devoted endless hours learning and educating others on the ways that caregivers now have to learn to live with the “new” normal that may occur each day and even each hour when coping and caring for those who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease.

Each time my mother’s body breaks down a little more and yet another trip to the hospital is required, I see these words in her eyes:

Don’t chain me to earth,

I need to be free.

My mind is enslaved,

This body is not “Me.”

 

I know that you love me,

Your eyes tell me so.

“I love you – I’ll miss you,”

But please let me go.

 

The pull of your heartstrings,

Is keeping me here.

But heaven is calling,

So safe and so near.

 

Don’t grieve and don’t give up,

That’s not in my plan.

Live on and be happy,

I’ll be “Me” again.

 

Nancy A. Brain – 2012

The Give and Take of Caring

Whether you are a caregiver or a care receiver, do you often find that life has started to be a game of “take away?”  The situations are different, of course, but the game stays basically the same – something always seems to be “taken away.” 

As a care receiver, it may be many aspects of our lives that are being taken away, whether gradually or abruptly.  The loss of any aspect of our independence is very hard to deal with and pushing through the pride and the pain to accept any type of assistance is difficult.  

As a caregiver the “take aways” may involve loss of family time with children and spouses.  It may limit attendance at a lot of social, civic or church activities that were an integral part of our relationships.  Just good old fashioned “me” time may be threatened and reduced. 

 Caregivers may also have the added burden of being the individual who has to instigate the “take away” procedure.  You may have to take away the car keys, which in turn limits the independent outings that the care receiver may have previously enjoyed.  The ability to play host or hostess at family dinners may also have to be reduced or eliminated.  A lifetime of providing family interactions and social outlets is probably one of the most difficult to relinquish for a previously independent senior.  This affects the nurturing role that they have always provided. 

The situation can seem daunting for both parties and the solution will vary in individual instances.  Just seeking and finding an answer sometimes weighs down the spirits of all concerned. 

It will help to break down all of the “take aways” into segments and deal with each one separately.  For instance, if the driving has to be eliminated, replace that with a transportation service on a regular basis that will allow the care recipient to continue with their social obligations much as they did before. 

If hosting a party is no longer an option, involve the care recipient in all of the planning and input for the occasion and outsource the rest.  If you as the caregiver cannot host the event, arrange for a catering service to implement the plans of the care receiver.  Keep the traditions alive that the family is accustomed to, but reduce the workload. 

As a caregiver you may be able to replace some of your “take aways” by using the resources researched and provided by care managers to step in and take your place when you feel deprivation and burnout are closing in on you.  You cannot provide excellent care to your loved one if you are in need of care yourself. 

Sometimes pride on both the part of the care receiver and caregiver prevents either party enjoying the quality of life that they are entitled to.  There has to be a balance between “take away” and “give and take” for the care partnering relationship to work successfully.

Using the Art of Listening to Enhance Caregiving

Turning the “act” of  listening into the “art” of listening makes the communication process flow more smoothly and  will promote positive interaction.

 Keep in mind that “hearing” is not the same as “listening. 

Some helpful ideas for listening are: 

• Listen with intensity –  Good concentration is essential to undercover and understand the whole story.  Words do not always convey what the speaker is trying to communicate.  Concentrate on finding the meaning between, beneath and behind the words.
• Listen with empathy – Sometimes most of the story is silent and the emotions will ultimately tell the tale.  Make sure you have the quality of listening that will enhance the way someone else feels heard.
• Listen impartially – Accept what you hear even if it is not what you want to hear or even expect to hear.  Don’t voice your personal opinions or form judgments. 
• Listen constructively – If the speaker shows anger or frustration, that anger or frustration could just be a result of their feeling a loss of control over a situation.  If you can listen constructively, this will give you an opportunity to validate their feelings of anger and frustration, sympathize with the situation and move the conversation to a more positive tone.
• Listen visually – Listen by looking at the body language of the speaker.  Does their face reflect anxiety or fear?  Use your body language to calm their anxiety or fear – lower your tone of voice and slow down the pace of your words.  Create an atmosphere of calmness by making sure there are no distractions and that you give your full attention to the speaker. 

The way that you listen can either build a bridge of rapport between yourself and the speaker or put a giant chasm between the two of you.  

Honing your listening skills will make you a more compassionate listener.

Join us at www.sageforaging.com for more caregiving tips and fact sheets.

 

 

 

Making Caregiving Decisions

Decisions on caregiving may be some of the most difficult ones you will be called upon to make.  There are many deciding factors to consider and the decisions also may require that many family members have to agree on the best course of care. 

Stress and pressure may mount because of the unfamiliarity of the caregiving process in general and all of the information that may need to be assessed and acted upon.  The following steps may be used as a guideline to beginning caregiving decision making: 

1. Involve as many family members as you can, including the Care Recipient, if possible, in the initial discussions surrounding the need for care.
2. Educate yourself on all of the possibilities of care and compile a list of the pros and cons of each one. 
3. Decide on what avenue of care will be followed – a family member, an in-home caregiver, a health care agency, a geriatric care manager or moving to an assisted or skilled care facility.
4. If an assisted or skilled care facility is chosen, plan a visit to several of the options to gather information before making a choice.
5. Assess what types of payment options are available or what agencies can be contacted to assist with the cost.
6. Review and update all documents that may be necessary during the course of care, such as advance directives, insurance policies, medical history, family contact information and financial resources.
7. Have a “Plan B”.  If the initial caregiving decision doesn’t work out, have a second plan of care ready to be implemented so that the time consuming process of deciding on a care plan doesn’t have to be repeated.
8. Have regular family meetings after the care has been started to involve and update everyone on the progress. 
9. If a family member assumes a large part of the caregiving responsibilities, make sure that respite care is provided at regular intervals.
10. Locate and join a support group for caregivers and family members.

Visit us on www.sageforaging.com for additional tips and fact sheets for caregivers.

Choosing a Geriatric Care Manager

Geriatric Care Managers are trained professionals who can provide resources, support and help create a care plan that will maximize the independence of the care recipient and help with all aspects of the caregiving process.  The following are helpful tips to use when deciding on which Geriatric Care Manager to use.

1. What services are provided?           
2. Is routine monitoring an option, and if so, how frequently and at what cost? 
3. What is their Code of Ethics? 
4. What professional organizations do they belong to? 
5. What is the professional accreditation of the organization? 
6. What other professionals are available to assist and support? 
7. How do they supervise and monitor the quality of services recommended or provided? 
8. Are you comfortable with the care manager and feel that you could trust them with sensitive and confidential information? 
9. Is there a waiting period before beginning services? 
10. Is 24-hour assistance available? 
11. What is considered to be a crisis or emergency situation? 
12. What is the fee schedule?  Is the initial assessment free? 
13. Are the rates hourly or retainer based?  What is the billing cycle? 
14. Do they have extensive knowledge of the resources of the community as well as specialists in the area? 

*Keep Asking Questions

For more information on this and similar subjects visit www.sageforaging.com

Caregiver Stress

Maybe you are caring for a spouse or a parent.  Possibly you are a professional working with an older client who has physical or cognitive limitations.  In either case, the words “caregiving” and “stress” seem to go together.  Trying to make ends meet emotionally and physically creates stressful situations that need practical solutions.  One of the best websites I have found that concentrates on advice, tips and fact sheets on over 2000 different scenarios is the Sage for Aging website. 

I am very pleased to be able to offer a sample tip from this site and will be featuring tips on different categories in future blogs.  The site is very easy to navigate and offers the visitor the opportunity to create their own individual situations and challenges to narrow down the field of pertinent information.

Give it a try and let me know if you would like more information posted here.

 

Tip: Caregiver Stress 

From Sage for Aging 

Description          Caregiver (CG) feels depressed and suffers from stress.

 

Try This:

• Try to deal with the stress before it turns into depression, anxiety or anger.
• Identify what specific time or incidents bring on the most stress, is it just the isolation of caregiving, the day-to-day sameness of the routines, or the demands of either the job or the Care Recipient (CR)?
• Find a “stress buddy” who you can call on the phone whenever the stress threatens to overwhelm you and talk it out.  Sometimes just verbalizing your frustrations and getting them out into the open will be the outlet you need to look at things in a different perspective.
• If you don’t feel comfortable talking with someone, write down your feelings and frustrations in a journal each evening.  Writing them down will allow you to “assign” them somewhere else and free your mind to relax.
• Schedule time in your day for “you” and stick to it.  Even if it is just a few minutes several times a day.  The “you” time will provide anticipation and allow you to enjoy an activity or exercise that has nothing to do with caregiving.
• If possible, schedule regular respite times away from the CR and leave your guilt, worry and responsibilities behind for a much needed rest.  This will refresh your mind and actually increase your effectiveness as a CG. 

VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR MORE HELPFUL TIPS 

www.sageforaging.com

email: info@sageforaging.com